Can someone please tell me why all of the nonsense that goes through my brain finally makes sense when I listen to John Mayer? And yes I'm fully aware I'm insane half the time so please don't remind me. But hear this:
"Did you know that you could be wrong and swear you're right?"
Well no duh John Mayer but once again you just helped say exactly what I couldn't. We, you who is reading this and me who is going to attempt to make sense of this, we need to discuss some things. Some good things. And can't forget the confusing because those are my favorite topics. Gag me.
I have a feeling I'm making some of you a little bit nervous. Welcome to my world. Basically I've been getting this feeling of.....cccccccrrrrrrrraaaaappppp. And I know I'm the one who keeps saying you can't go by feelings which is why I've been praying A LOT. This has nothing to do with Blue. He's still that ugly shadow that keeps haunting me and I'm ready to hit him with a hammer, but I don't cry over him anymore. Here's the real issue. I don't think the plans I made for my life are the right plans. Uh oh.
Let me (try to) explain. You know when you're a kid and you go through 30 different career changes by the time you're 12, and then once you get to high school the "adults" now a days expect you to already have your future set? Well its my second semester in college and about to be summer vacation, and I've taken a complete 180 with my future plans. Say it with me..."crap!!!!!!"
Don't be alarmed I'm staying in school and I'm still studying to be an athletic trainer, but now that's just my back up plan. It's not my main goal in life anymore.
When I was 7, I wanted to be a veterinarian, and then I got a lead roll in a school play and it was hello Broadway at age 13. Then I got to high school and I took a turn for the worst. I wanted it to be all about me. I wanted to be famous. I wanted to forget everything and everyone and make movies or sell out arenas as long as I was in the spotlight. Then I went to church camp when I was 15 and met Blue, and God gave me a sneak peek at my destiny. My junior year of high school was me just getting by because I didn't know what to think anymore. Then I joined sports medicine. Then I went to college and now I'm bored. Cool story bro. Maybe it's because I don't have football anymore or maybe it's because this career path doesn't sound as appealing anymore.
Here's what I've been praying about. Whats the plan then? What direction are we going for? What's the right thing to do? Please God just help me do your will. Well He's answering. Everyone is born with a God given talent. Something you don't have to practice but you do because you love it. It's what comes naturally. I believe that's the plan. The plan is to use what comes naturally and honor He who gave it to us. That's the right way to do it. (It's also the hardest thing to do.)
Okay if I'm not making any sense maybe this man will.
"I'm a good man, with a good heart
Had a tough time, got a rough start
And I finally learned to let it go.
Now I'm right here, and I'm right now
And I'm hoping, knowing somehow
That my shadow days are over"
See, I've been saying for a almost a year now, you know since the last John Mayer post, that I'm tired of all this. I'm sick and tired of the same old thing. Like I've gotten to the point where I can't even stand to hear Blue's real name anymore. (Praying God takes away the anger too.) If I'm not making myself clear yet, I'm tired of waking up to the same routine, dealing with the same problems that aren't getting solved, and not making the best of what I have now.
I have a family that is unlike anyone else's. We are Christians. We are crazy. I wouldn't change them.
I have friends unlike anyone I've ever met. They are hilarious. They are abnormal. Definitely wouldn't change them.
I know a guy who's an idiot and wish I knew where his life is taking him. Shouldn't be a question that I would change that horrible situation.
I should be using what I have and making the best of it.
What this song is talking about is, is he is a deserving man because he's been through enough, and he's finally deciding that enough is finally enough. You can't dwell on something that you have no control over, and expect it to change just because you made a wish on a star. Save your breath and if it's meant to happen it will. I knew that all along, but that's why God gave me music, to help me understand what He's trying to tell me. He's trying to tell me that it's time to use what you have now, and turn this mess into the plan He has for me.
"Well it sucks to be honest
And it hurts to be real
But it starts to make some love
That I can finally feel."
I don't know how to tell my parents this without them freaking out, but one step at a time. I'm not quitting on athletic training, but maybe that was just high school.
I don't know what God wants me to do with music, or anything that comes with that but if it's God's plan it's better than... this. You want to know how I know music is my true passion? Yesterday at church, of course it was Easter Sunday and my guitar string breaks, and I have to rush home to get a new string, change and tune it, within the 20 minutes before church starts. My guitar sounded terrible the whole set and I was having a complete panic attack. I was crying and trying so hard not to freak out at everyone who walked in the door. I'm not a perfectionist when it comes to anything but guitar. That's how I know it's important. How do you know the difference between your will and God's will? My will is me taking God's will and turning it into the all about me show. That's where you have to watch yourself.
Ever heard of the phrase "You Only Live Once?" otherwise known as y.o.l.o. My best friend didn't know what y.o.l.o. was short for. Her guess was yogurt. I have no clue how she came up with that conclusion but like I said I wouldn't change my friends. You only live once right? I'm not about to waste that one chance sitting on my booty, waiting on a boy who is taking the world's meaning of y.o.l.o. (And it's not yogurt.)
So thanks again John Mayer, and it only took 19 years. One step at a time. At least Blue isn't the center of attention anymore. Time to get down to business and see what God's plan really is. I don't want to be famous. I want to make an impression. A GOOD one, and by following THE plan I will. That's enough for me. I hope that made sense.
http://youtu.be/S4FC9iuftAA
Shadow Days by John Mayer
