I always seem to find myself in these situations. It sounds like fun, sounds like something I would be good at, but then I get this uneasy feeling...always. Only this time I've decided to nip it in the bud a.s.a.p. So of course, this won't be the last time something that sounds like a good idea all the sudden stresses me out like no tomorrow, but at least we can say maturity has come into play. Fingers crossed.
Speaking of maturity have I ever explained how much I love Cody Simpson? If you only knew the half of it. I could honestly go on for days about how much I want to live happily ever after with this kid in Australia raising baby kangaroos, but let's be realistic. He's obviously going to propose to me, and we are going to move to a mansion on the beach here in Florida, own 30 cars, a vacation home in England where my roommate is Harry Styles, and every song Cody sings will be about me, and our baby kangaroos. Like duh.
But really. This week was a spectacular one, because the two years of waiting for this kids first official album was over. I've bought every EP, been to two concerts, know every song...such a tease. But I waited patiently. I seem to always be waiting for something. Answers to prayers, goals to be accomplished, anything and everything...that sounds about normal.
Okay honestly I'm avoiding talking about the main thing I've been wanting to talk about for weeks now. I like to avoid sounding like a cheese ball, or an emotional chick flick, because I laugh at all that stuff, but now I see where emotions are actually okay to have. My sister keeps telling me emotion is just a way to show you care, and that it comes from your heart. So can I let my heart speak?
Three things.
1. I love Cody Simpson. But you knew that. Why though? No it's not because he has a beautiful set of blonde hair that I want to run my fingers through, or because he has the most attractive Australian accent I've ever heard, or because he sings like an angel, looks like a gift from God, or can dance to the point where I need a doctor. (I swear I'm perfectly normal in the head) I love Cody Simpson because he had a vision, and a plan, and he didn't quit until he got what he worked years to achieve. He was patient, and I'm sure along the way their were tears, anger and frustrations, doubt, heartbreak, disappointment, all that terrible nonsense, but he knew what he wanted and he wasn't going to quit until he got what he wanted. We have similar stories. No I'm not a kid from Australia who wants to get famous and party with Justin Bieber, as awesome as that would be, that's just not my calling.
2. I love music. I've been praying, because ever since I've decided to walk away from being an athletic trainer I've felt completely lost, and have had no idea what I want to do with my life. Football season has started again, and I do miss my high school team, but not as bad as I thought I would. I've felt lately that my heart belongs in the ministry, but I wasn't sure exactly where I belonged in that area. But of course it was right in front of me the entire time. Music. That's where my heart is. The situation I found myself in had to do with working in a outreach program that worked with high school students, and building relationships with them, eventually seeing if they wanted to have their own relationship with God. They wanted to put me in charge of the music and I was thrilled. But they didn't want me to play Christian music because they thought that would turn kids away. That's where the uneasy feeling came in. I got saved through music, and my life completely changed after that. But also when they said I had to hold back from my normal music style, I thought about someone who heard my heart through playing church songs. Blue. Our first conversation was about how great of a guitar player he thought I was, and that just sent me to the moon. I believe Blue's life was changed that week, and I want to help someone like that again. So of course when I was told I couldn't do exactly what I wanted, that struck a nerve because that's not me. So I walked away.
3. I love...everything about Blue. Here's where I get cheesy. Yes we all know how I feel about this boy who I met when I was 15, and how much I want to be in his life again because God has put him in a special place in my heart, but do you really know how I feel about him? I'll tell you.
Hello, I know it's been awhile, I wonder where you are, and if you think of me sometimes, because you're always on my mind. You know I've had it rough, trying to forget you but, the more that I look around, the more I realize you're all I'm looking for. What makes you so beautiful, is you don't know how beautiful you are, to me. You're not trying to be perfect, nobody's perfect but you are, to me. It's how you take my breath away, hear the words that I don't say. I wish somehow I could say them now.
These are not my words, these are words by Carly Rae Jepson from her song called Beautiful. But these are my words. This is exactly how I feel. Exactly what my heart and mind thinks of this kid. Do I call it love? I don't know. This feeling was the feeling I had when we first met, and I can say I do love that feeling.
Can I just be cheesy a little bit more?
You got me feeling out of order, and forgetting you is like breathing in water you know, it's so good that it hurts. My friends think I'm just in love with the feeling, but they're just fools, they don't get all meaning. Let it hurt. Now I'm falling so bad, almost feels like I am flying, and love is nothing like that, so we just keep on trying. Come closer, come take over. Don't forget it, I'm yours.
Oh my gosh I love Cody Simpson.
I do believe me and the Australian have similar stories. Thank God that I can turn him on and feel like someone does understand, even if he really doesn't. I feel like I just rambled more nonsense, so I apologize, but all of this has been on my heart lately.
Two things in this world that oddly enough makes sense to me, I can't afford for them be taken away from me, and this week I feel like they almost were at the same time. If you take way my music, and my gift, you've taken away the connection I made with Blue, and the person he saw in me. I'm not of the world, I may be human, and need other peoples lyrics to explain how I feel because I can't myself, but I'm not trying to sing these songs to help someone else out, because only God can do that. And if I can't spread God's word, then I can't help anyone. Does that make sense? And yes I have to apologize for being a big cheesy ball, but I am a girl right?
Now excuse me I have to go talk to a guy about a baby kangaroo.
http://youtu.be/UNafCcd0Sh0- Beautiful by Carly Rae Jepson ft. Justin Bieber
http://youtu.be/xT-RKnh7EPQ- Torn by Cody Simpson
