I have a creeper curse.
I must wear a sign on my forehead that says "I love weird awkward people."
But I could do a happy dance because someone has a crush on me and it's so cute. Plus you know he's pretty darn attractive too, which makes it a billion times better.
He's not a creeper, he's adorable. Would you like to know his name?
I don't think so. :)
I'm not getting my hopes up though, because I'm still reminding myself that it's too good to be true. And I'm sure that sounds sad but it's SO true. If you don't believe me just think blue. So this is how we're going to play this;
Anonymous writer girl's rule for life:
Play it safe and nothing gets broken.
I'm afraid of a guy liking me. Idk what to do about it. What I use to do was completely cut them out of my life and pretend that they never exsisted. But that could have been because they were that weird awkward kid that I had no feelings for. I don't mean to sound mean, and I know you should give people chances, but......... I guess I'm just a mean person.
"It's hard to face the things we're afraid of, sometimes we just need a little help."(One Tree Hill?)
Music helps.
So I like this band and they recently made a come back, even though I've been following them since practically 1997. Hanson has a song called "Out of My Head" that was released on the Strong Enough to Break DVD and album. It's basically saying, "Call me crazy but I think you like me!"
"When I saw your face
Suddenly I'm losing faith, yeah
The words are few to place
Give up, give out, giving no big disgrace
Let's stop wasting time
Let's stop wasting time
Say your mine
But can you tell me I'm out of my head
Quit playing with my mind
Don't tell me I'm out of my head
Let's stop wasting time
I feel like I'm losing my head
Won't you tell my I'm out of my head..."
I must sounds really pathetic. But I'm in a vulnerable state right now. I gave up on Blue for the summer.
Guess what?
Summer's over.
I don't want to go back to that person who was sad and angry all the time. I had a problem last night and cried a little because of something stupid that reminded me of why I can't be with Blue.
I can't really handle things being taken away from me at the moment. Therefore you see why I'm not all happy and over the top excited about having someone liking me for once. I don't know for sure that anything is going to happen with this new kid, so I don't want to chance it. I'm just going to go with the flow and see what happens.
He held my hand the other night and that felt nice. I'm so dumb.
I don't like to talk about boys! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!
Now I feel like I have no filter and words are just flying out. Fml. I need help.
Yes, I am happy about this person and the way things are going. How are things going? We'll talk, hang out, and it's fun, not awkward, not anything but a bunch of friends hanging out with each other. If we don't talk for a while I'm not freaking out about it, but I do smile when my phone lights up when he texts me. If things don't work out, oh well, I really just want him to be my friend. I don't need another MIA Blue. I wouldn't be able to handle that.
So am I crazy? Of course but I've accepted it.
But am I crazy for not being too excited about having a crush? I'm still deciding.
Is it sad that I think it's too good to be true, and it's impossible for any guy to like me? Probably, but better safe than sorry. Right?
Yeah I still want Blue to come to his senses, but I'm not sitting here waiting for that. No sir!
Oh lord, guess what song just popped in my head? Thank you Disney!
"I dream is a wish your heart makes
when you're fast asleep
In dreams you will lost your heartache
Whatever you wish for you keep..."
Am I dreaming? Maybe that's a good thing. Maybe I need to dream a happy ending and just pretend for a while. Or is that bad? Why so many questions? I told you I'm not good at this. No filter.
I need a happy ending. Maybe I need to let this other guy in a little more. I can tell he's trying and I'm just standing there smiling. I'm scared. Bite me.
I think being scared is a good thing, that way I'll always play it safe. But when the time comes to be brave I'll grab my sword and be the fighter I am. (And kick butt.) So until then I'll let Hanson take over.:)
"Let me in your heart
Give up, give out, give in is where it starts
Dreaming's not so hard
Once you've found your shooting star...."
I hate boys and I want a cookie.
Tuesday, August 23, 2011
Wednesday, August 3, 2011
And it gets more wonderful
Ladies and gentlemen. Boys and girls. Brothers and sisters. People of all ages, everywhere.
It's happened.
I'm happy.
I’m happy. I'm happy. I'm happy. I'm happy. I'm happy. I can't say it enough.
I can finally look at Blues picture and not throw anything at the computer. How did this happen?
God answered my prayers. Last week made three years since I started this roller coaster with blue. I didn't even realize it until this very second. I've been praying for strength and peace of mind, and for my faith to keep holding on everyday, and now everything I've asked for has been given to me. Which means the day I get to breathe and come face to face with blue again, (when he remembers my name) is getting closer. Plus it helps that a little birdie told me that his girlfriend is suffocating him...but you didn't hear that from me. Do you want to know how this happy day came to be? I don't know if anyone is even reading this, but I'm going to explain regardless.
Yesterday was August 2, 2011. A little less than three months ago was May 3, 2011. These two dates have one thing in common. Greyson Chance.
On May 3, 2011, for me and my best friends birthday we went and enjoyed a night filled with music, fun and excitement, at the House of Blues. Our main reason was to see Cody Simpson, because we are completely in love with him and want to have his babies. (I can hear my sister now, "Wow.") It's true though. But before our Australian came out, a five foot tall boy came out on stage and started playing his piano... Then Cody came out behind him and I almost fell off the balcony...but that's not what's important.
As small as Greyson Chance was, I have never heard a voice bigger or louder. I get goose bumps from music all the time, but this kid sent chills up and down my entire body.
On august 2, 2011 he released his first album, and you know who went and picked up a copy.
It's phenomenal.
Absolutely incredible. I was speechless because this kid understands music and life. He may be younger than me but he knows what it's like to be heartbroken, but what's so inspiring is he knows how to fight to put the pieces back together. I found another fighter, and I am positively ecstatic.
The very last song, track number ten, is titled "Take A Look At Me Now" and it's all about making it. I found it. I made it. A summer of freedom and I didn't even realize I was happy again. I haven't felt this way since I met Blue. Ironic but I'll take it!
"So long to electric fences * Not much left for me to run from now * Guess I'll turn myself around * I'm putting down my defenses * These wings are gonna take me off the ground * It's freedom sweet as sound *
And I'll admit that I was wrong * And it's obvious that I'm * Finally taking my fist down"
I was a prisoner in my own stupid head because I was mad at myself. I blame myself. He has no idea what's going on and I found that hard to believe. The truth of the matter is, I'm getting upset over nothing. It's not like he's getting married to this girl. Goodness sakes he's a senior in high school who cares more about football than anything. I made myself believe I was living this tragic scene from One Tree Hill or something, and my inner Peyton came shining through because "People always leave." He left because he was 14! It wasn't my fault! Yes, it still strikes a nerve when I see his girlfriend, because of my own opinions about her, but she's innocent too. So the nasty thoughts in my head about the girl can stop. In fact I'm to the point where I can run and give her a hug, I'm so happy. I never thought I would say that. My guard has been let down, and I can sing and dance again. I missed that.
"Don't know what you get tomorrow * Not sure where I wanna go too well * Isn't that what life’s about * So long for the fear and worry * Lets go and you wont be sorry * I'll be the one that gets you out"
I don't know what's about to happen. I have a clue, but you can't always go by "feelings." Life is full of surprises, and I love surprises. I'm done with the doubt, and over all the questions and concerns, and never want to speak the words "what if," again. God has a plan, and saved me. Not from the boy, but from me. He helped me let go and move on...for now.
"And it gets more beautiful it gets more beautiful * As the sun turns into rain * And the hurt turns into shame
* And it gets more wonderful it gets more wonderful * Can you get this through your brain * That you can not lose again"
I hate to say it, but it was like I was in need of rehab, this boy sent me over the edge. Not so much him, but the fact of what he meant to me. He still holds the same place in my heart, but what's so beautiful is that I can look at him and remember how happy he made me, and not all the bad emotions. In fact even though the last time I saw him wasn't the fairy tale moment I had in mind, I still thank God that I got to see him. That's what's so wonderful. The little things. The little things matter the most. To me at least. I will say though, that I am a bit embarrassed by all the extreme reactions, and overreactions, but that showed defeat. And if you remember correctly, I'm a fighter. I WILL NOT, and choose not to lose, again:)
So I guess I have a fourth song on the list that reminds me of Blue. Only this time the song doesn't make me want to cry. It makes me want to sit down at a piano and belt it. Although, I should probably learn more piano before I attempt that.
Please listen to this album. It is awesome and truly inspirational. And because Greyson Chance helped me, I'm going to post the song to help him. Then we can all sing along together!
"Would you stop and take a look at me now
could you stop and take a look at me now
when your standing right in front of me
you're looking at the positive
there was negative
would you stop and take a look at me now"
I'm happy. But it's not over yet..................the best is still to come, and it gets more wonderful:)
"Chase the demons out tonight * You can see how fast they run * When you turn the light switch on
Take A Look At Me Now by Greyson Chance:
http://youtu.be/CTOitOqA74M
It's happened.
I'm happy.
I’m happy. I'm happy. I'm happy. I'm happy. I'm happy. I can't say it enough.
I can finally look at Blues picture and not throw anything at the computer. How did this happen?
God answered my prayers. Last week made three years since I started this roller coaster with blue. I didn't even realize it until this very second. I've been praying for strength and peace of mind, and for my faith to keep holding on everyday, and now everything I've asked for has been given to me. Which means the day I get to breathe and come face to face with blue again, (when he remembers my name) is getting closer. Plus it helps that a little birdie told me that his girlfriend is suffocating him...but you didn't hear that from me. Do you want to know how this happy day came to be? I don't know if anyone is even reading this, but I'm going to explain regardless.
Yesterday was August 2, 2011. A little less than three months ago was May 3, 2011. These two dates have one thing in common. Greyson Chance.
On May 3, 2011, for me and my best friends birthday we went and enjoyed a night filled with music, fun and excitement, at the House of Blues. Our main reason was to see Cody Simpson, because we are completely in love with him and want to have his babies. (I can hear my sister now, "Wow.") It's true though. But before our Australian came out, a five foot tall boy came out on stage and started playing his piano... Then Cody came out behind him and I almost fell off the balcony...but that's not what's important.
As small as Greyson Chance was, I have never heard a voice bigger or louder. I get goose bumps from music all the time, but this kid sent chills up and down my entire body.
On august 2, 2011 he released his first album, and you know who went and picked up a copy.
It's phenomenal.
Absolutely incredible. I was speechless because this kid understands music and life. He may be younger than me but he knows what it's like to be heartbroken, but what's so inspiring is he knows how to fight to put the pieces back together. I found another fighter, and I am positively ecstatic.
The very last song, track number ten, is titled "Take A Look At Me Now" and it's all about making it. I found it. I made it. A summer of freedom and I didn't even realize I was happy again. I haven't felt this way since I met Blue. Ironic but I'll take it!
"So long to electric fences * Not much left for me to run from now * Guess I'll turn myself around * I'm putting down my defenses * These wings are gonna take me off the ground * It's freedom sweet as sound *
And I'll admit that I was wrong * And it's obvious that I'm * Finally taking my fist down"
I was a prisoner in my own stupid head because I was mad at myself. I blame myself. He has no idea what's going on and I found that hard to believe. The truth of the matter is, I'm getting upset over nothing. It's not like he's getting married to this girl. Goodness sakes he's a senior in high school who cares more about football than anything. I made myself believe I was living this tragic scene from One Tree Hill or something, and my inner Peyton came shining through because "People always leave." He left because he was 14! It wasn't my fault! Yes, it still strikes a nerve when I see his girlfriend, because of my own opinions about her, but she's innocent too. So the nasty thoughts in my head about the girl can stop. In fact I'm to the point where I can run and give her a hug, I'm so happy. I never thought I would say that. My guard has been let down, and I can sing and dance again. I missed that.
"Don't know what you get tomorrow * Not sure where I wanna go too well * Isn't that what life’s about * So long for the fear and worry * Lets go and you wont be sorry * I'll be the one that gets you out"
I don't know what's about to happen. I have a clue, but you can't always go by "feelings." Life is full of surprises, and I love surprises. I'm done with the doubt, and over all the questions and concerns, and never want to speak the words "what if," again. God has a plan, and saved me. Not from the boy, but from me. He helped me let go and move on...for now.
"And it gets more beautiful it gets more beautiful * As the sun turns into rain * And the hurt turns into shame
* And it gets more wonderful it gets more wonderful * Can you get this through your brain * That you can not lose again"
I hate to say it, but it was like I was in need of rehab, this boy sent me over the edge. Not so much him, but the fact of what he meant to me. He still holds the same place in my heart, but what's so beautiful is that I can look at him and remember how happy he made me, and not all the bad emotions. In fact even though the last time I saw him wasn't the fairy tale moment I had in mind, I still thank God that I got to see him. That's what's so wonderful. The little things. The little things matter the most. To me at least. I will say though, that I am a bit embarrassed by all the extreme reactions, and overreactions, but that showed defeat. And if you remember correctly, I'm a fighter. I WILL NOT, and choose not to lose, again:)
So I guess I have a fourth song on the list that reminds me of Blue. Only this time the song doesn't make me want to cry. It makes me want to sit down at a piano and belt it. Although, I should probably learn more piano before I attempt that.
Please listen to this album. It is awesome and truly inspirational. And because Greyson Chance helped me, I'm going to post the song to help him. Then we can all sing along together!
"Would you stop and take a look at me now
could you stop and take a look at me now
when your standing right in front of me
you're looking at the positive
there was negative
would you stop and take a look at me now"
I'm happy. But it's not over yet..................the best is still to come, and it gets more wonderful:)
"Chase the demons out tonight * You can see how fast they run * When you turn the light switch on
Take A Look At Me Now by Greyson Chance:
http://youtu.be/CTOitOqA74M
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