I miss high school! I love college, because my stress level has dramatically decreased, but it's so boring!
I hang out with a good number of high schoolers, a good number of the time. They're my biffles. I need my daily dosage of over dramatic stories about walking through the halls, complaints about what girl likes what boy, and "How's my hair?" I love it. When I'm with these friends of mine, I forget I'm one-to-two years older than them, honestly I need to start acting my age. But I'm having so much fun.
I saw a large majority of these kids last weekend. We went to the movies, and to my liking it was a scary one, but I forgot that I was one of the few that could actually get myself into a rated R movie. But instead of going my own way I decided to join the shananagans. 12 kids found one couple to walk us in the theater as our "parents." One big happy multi-racial family. I held in my giggles.
This is where it got interesting.
It was time to play musical chairs. My friend and I quietly discussed who we wanted to sit by, but those plans went out the window as soon as I heard my name being called from the other end of the row. Guess who it was? That football player I have a tiny crush on.
My brain: "Uh oh. Is this allowed? Am I allowed to sit next to a boy during a movie? What do I do? WHAT DO I DO!?"
My feet didn't stop to listen to the panic attack. I sat down with my friend on the other side, and all she could talk about was, "He planned this. That's so cute!" So I sat there with my hands crossed, and my face starring strait at the screen, because there was a chance he really did plan it. I mean I hang out with this kid, with these children all the time, but this was a scary movie. But I was the "adult" in the situation and I can take care of myself just fine. Boys? Please.
The movie started and let me just tell you, it wasn't scary, but again I forgot who I was with. Babies. And as soon as one door in the movie opened by itself, I had two of those babies in my lap. One girl and one boy. If this boys plan was to make sure I was the one who was scared so he could hold my hand, he failed. I thought the bones in both of my hands were going to be crushed, because they were being squeezed to death by both of my neighbors. I was cracking up.
Here's the story of this kid. I met him last year at football practice, then didn't see him again until track season. I worked with both the football and track team, and at one of the track meets I hung out with this kid and all the other players. While walking somewhere with this kid he goes, "(My name) When are you going to tell your brother we're getting married?" (My brother is his coach...kill me.) So, laughing, I answered, "You're going to have to make sure it's okay with him." To my surprise he wasn't joking around when he said he would. That same night we're standing by the fence, and he calls my brother over and goes "Can I marry your sister?" I was expecting a dirty look, and maybe a few threats, but no. My brother just said, "Sure. Just be nice to her." And now we're "husband and wife."
I don't think we're playing house anymore. I think there's a good chance this kid really does like me. I think he has for a while actually. But I honestly tried really hard not to like him back, but nothing worked. He does everything right. He knows the kind of person I am, which is a very safe, careful, guarded, innocent girl. None of that bothers him. Something has to be wrong with his brain, because I usually send boys running when they learn all that stuff about me. But I guess even if my big brother can't scare him off then nothing's wrong with him.
Want to hear something crazy? I think this is a good thing. This past summer when I asked God to set me free of Blue, this kid came into the picture. I actually admitted to having a crush on him, but I was nervous about it. I didn't know if I was allowed to. It was like he was saving me from those terrible emotions that were wrapped around Blue. Kinda like God sent me him to disctract me from that mess. I'm normally a person who is able to tell when something is a good idea, and when something is going to blow up in my face. I know better not to go by feelings, because that's when everything starts to explode all around me. I guess you could say that at the moment I'm skeptical. Not about if the kid really does like me, but I just find it too good to be true all together. Like I said before, I have a creeper disease, and to have a normal guy, my type, actually you know, like ME sounds ridiculous. But he is trying and I can tell he means no harm.
I actually wanted to bring up a different song, but my iPod just had to have different plans. Now I'm stuck, and I can't choose. Both have similar meanings, so I guess I can use both. Sorry bare with me. The song my iPod decided to turn my attention to is by Demi Lovato. (I really wish I could sing like her.)
"Don't want to break your heart
Want to give your heart a break.
I know you're scared it's wrong
Like you might make a mistake.
There's just one life to live
And there's no time to waste
So let me give your heart a break."
Honestly, I'm not the biggest fan of this song, but it fits. I miss high school. Biggest reason being because I wasted half of it on a boy who was busy dating cheerleaders at my school versus his. Another reason why I hate him.
I didn't date because I didn't think any guy was good enough, and because I was scared of screwing myself up. Looks like not putting myself out there is what's screwing me up. Of course! Why wouldn't playing it safe make me miserable? Actually, that's not what messed me up. Playing it safe was the right thing to do, but holding myself back and missing ten zillion opportunities with Blue makes me an idiot. That's my biggest regret.
The Maine put a smile on my face.
"Remember son
All the things you've done
And all the things you've lost and all the things you've won...
And just wait your turn
And always try to learn
To find love in the ones who don't show love in return."
I'm a good person. I follow the rules. I'm getting more patient. I'm furious. I'm tired. I'm happy, and I understand.
The song "Color" by the Maine has always been the tune I turn on when I want to be in that smily, bad singing kind of mood. It gives me comfort and I can sit there with my eyes closed and chill out.
So once the movie was over, and the feeling in both of my hands came back, I was ready for the roll call of hugs, and the football player to walk out with all the others with the normal, "text me!" Well, that's what usually happens.
Reality---------> My phone went off as we all got up from our seats, and while I was handling a phone call, I thought I was the last one in the theater. Nope. Someone decided to try and trip me down the stairs. (Luckily I have quick feet.) Of course now we have to go through the "OMG, you're such a jeark! (Girl hit)" and then the "Ayeeeee I'm just messin!"....he's black....Only this time when I explained that he's the worst husband ever because of the tragic abuse, instead of him making a dramatic exit and pretending we hate each other, while trying not to laugh when we make eye contact, he did the opposite. He took my hand, gently this time, and we walked down the stairs and out the door. But when we met up with everyone else, I let go, because I didn't want to hear the "I'm telling coach," comments.
There's that careful part of me shining through like the sun exploding. It's a good thing I swear.
Part of me, a HUGE part, is so careful because I don't know when Blue will come back into the picture. But the rest of me is enjoying every bit of what's happening.
"When you're walking backwards
Don't be afraid to close your eyes.
Because the truth is darling
That everything will be alright."
This kid reminds me that it's okay to be happy even when things don't go as you plan. Hints the last three years of my life. But I still feel like this is a dream and he doesn't really exist. You can tell I'm new to the boy thing.
No need to worry. I'm still taking the same walk I have been for three years. This isn't a short cut, it's just helping me get there.
"Tell me everything
Will be alright
Walk this way with me
Into the night
Cause you can let it slide
Baby just for the night
Just know that everyone feels broken sometimes."
I think the pieces of my broken puzzle are coming back together. Carefully:)
Friday, October 28, 2011
Monday, October 3, 2011
It's Happening
WHAT IS HAPPENING?!
I've been putting off this post. I'm not sure how to say any of this.
For starters.....................................................Cody Simpson came out with his new EP "Coast to Coast."
You'll be surprised to learn that was the highlight of my week despite everything else that happened, because this was a busy week.
I got a job that pays almost $20 an hour thanks to my bestie.
I got a stomach virus.
I almost got a B on my first college test. It was biology and I was very excited.
I failed my second college test. Math was created by satan.
I hung out with my crush and friends.
We lost by one touch down at our football game.
I don't have school on Thursday or Friday.
I have cramps.
I have two house sitting jobs for some extra cash and was given a cookie cake as a pay day. I danced.
And here we are.
Oh and Blue and his girlfriend broke up.
JSAAIHCEOIHCOASIWJFHTUH5 PDESVNAOIRJG54RIAEHTEOTYOIREDTOIGHTR
UHEROIAJT438076304976UTEOIJRG84YEHWFOJVODFIJ4O35J5T9453U5OWIEJFOWJSFLIOWEJRFV
ESWJFGIARE4J5T58TJWIEJTIRWEJG95JTPWJGW
gK43OITOIP4EJT8935YU09PU5QYPERJUG95UT64PWETJUGPOJVRJ498UTWPTU W4UWUT9U95T5U9W4ERU594U5 984W5U4W59WU59WUE9WU 9EW59WE59PW084545 9485 9W8ET9E85T 495 4985W08UERU 9485 -PA8R-W845-P8WA
My thoughts exactly.
One of my good friends plays lacrosse, and last year during practice a girl was hit the leg or head or something and proceeded to lay on the ground crying, and screaming "IT'S HAPPENING!"
No one ever learned exactly what was "happening" but I died laughing at the story.
When I recieved the news that Blue is single for the first time since October....don't ask how I know....I was driving. Then the rest is blank. I was in shock, and in tears, and dancing of course. So not exactly blank.
BUT!
I'm not going to do anything. Yet.
Only because I don't really know what to do persay...Help. Now it's dealing with all the stupid emo statuses he's posting about how sad and blah he is. HOW YOU LIKE THEM APPLES BUDDY!
As you can see I'm enjoying this. I don't feel like God is telling me to go back to him right away. Which I'm fine with because I have no idea what in bloody hell I'm doing. Excuse my french but this is ridiculous. It's like you speak Blue's name and I freeze and sparks start flying out of my head like a robot, and my brain malfunctions. How did this happen to me? Sheesh I thought I was the normal one but I'm as crazy as a hobo talking to his shoe.
But I can say that instead of feeling like deep dookie, I feel like singing.
I have new music on my iPod, two of those artists being Cody Simpson and Adele.
I would have LOVED Adele's "21" around graduation time when I was crying in the bathtub.
I felt like this:
"When will I see you again?
You left with no goodbye, not a single word was said,
No final kiss to seal any seams,
I had no idea of the state we were in..."
Boohoo.
I fee like this:
Stupid dog face but I giggled.
Cody Simpson knows exactly how to make me feel better. He can sing, dance, or just stand there and I would pee my pants.
I'm so weird but it's what girls like me do. I bought his EP on iTunes for $4.96 and then went to Target and bought the same album only because it has two bonus tracks on it. It was only a dollar more and I am so so so so so happy I purchased it.
There's this song called "Crash" and it's adorbs. Like it's so cute I can't even function. (I've been watching too much Kardashian's.) Basically it's about him being totally in "like" with this girl and is completely taken over by her because everything about her is "out of this world." Only he doess't know if she even knows he exists. Now if I were 14 like this kid I would be on a one way trip to Australia to find him and live happily ever after, but I'm stuck her 18 and waiting on this kid who works at a mexican place, who doesn't know I exist. Oh Cody how I feel your pain.
In the song he continues to say how amazing it would be if the girl was on the same page. If she "crashed" into him he would be sent to the moon. Holla.back.at.that.
So here is how I feel now:
"Late at night
When it's dark
And the world's asleep
From the bottom
Of my heart
You're the one and only
Face in my mind that i see
Think im fallin'
Fallin' hard
Had me right from the start
And your smile
Takes me up
I've been walking
On the moon
Like an astronaut, yeah
If you sent me flyin'
Up in the sky
Imagine what happens
When two stars collide
So out of this world
So out of this earth
But tell me first
Wonder if
Does she even notice me?
Sometimes I dream
How I think It'll be
She'd just crash into,
crash into me, Crash into
Crash into me
Crash into,
Crash into me... (Oh girl)"
Only want Blue to feel this way. It's his turn.
I'm sitting here listening to "Crash" over and over because it makes me happy, and the reason I'm not pouncing like a lion on this situation is because it's not time. I'll know, but right now it's best to keep things put. More time to breathe, and get my act together.
So no more of this:
"Gave you the space so you could breathe,
I kept my distance so you would be free,
And hope that you find the missing piece,
To bring you back to me,
Why don't you remember?
Don't you remember?
The reason you loved me before,
Baby, please remember me once more,
When will I see you again?"
Adele can sing her heart out all she wants but I want this:
"Crash, crash baby
Crash into me
No if's or maybe's
Ain't nothing to it
Just crash crash baby
Take a chance with me
Let's get crazy
Crash, crash
Just crash into me
Girl, as hard as you can
Just like in neverland
Girl send me flyin'
No I ain't comin' back again
I can't imagine this
Can you imagine this?
Come on just crash into me
Wonder if
Does she even notice me?
Sometimes I dream
How I think It'll be
She'd just crash into,
crash into me, Crash into
Crash into me
Crash into,
Crash into me... (Oh girl)"
Watch us reunite over a finder binder. Haha get it? Crash?
Anyhooooooo I'm ready when he is, because when that time comes it will be right. Honestly, I can't imagine what it will be like. I'm sure I'll fly into space like Cody because everything about this kid sends me to another world. Gag. :)
Listent to Cody:)
http://youtu.be/zcNlBz_Ld6I
I've been putting off this post. I'm not sure how to say any of this.
For starters.....................................................Cody Simpson came out with his new EP "Coast to Coast."
You'll be surprised to learn that was the highlight of my week despite everything else that happened, because this was a busy week.
I got a job that pays almost $20 an hour thanks to my bestie.
I got a stomach virus.
I almost got a B on my first college test. It was biology and I was very excited.
I failed my second college test. Math was created by satan.
I hung out with my crush and friends.
We lost by one touch down at our football game.
I don't have school on Thursday or Friday.
I have cramps.
I have two house sitting jobs for some extra cash and was given a cookie cake as a pay day. I danced.
And here we are.
Oh and Blue and his girlfriend broke up.
JSAAIHCEOIHCOASIWJFHTUH5 PDESVNAOIRJG54RIAEHTEOTYOIREDTOIGHTR
UHEROIAJT438076304976UTEOIJRG84YEHWFOJVODFIJ4O35J5T9453U5OWIEJFOWJSFLIOWEJRFV
ESWJFGIARE4J5T58TJWIEJTIRWEJG95JTPWJGW
gK43OITOIP4EJT8935YU09PU5QYPERJUG95UT64PWETJUGPOJVRJ498UTWPTU W4UWUT9U95T5U9W4ERU594U5 984W5U4W59WU59WUE9WU 9EW59WE59PW084545 9485 9W8ET9E85T 495 4985W08UERU 9485 -PA8R-W845-P8WA
My thoughts exactly.
One of my good friends plays lacrosse, and last year during practice a girl was hit the leg or head or something and proceeded to lay on the ground crying, and screaming "IT'S HAPPENING!"
No one ever learned exactly what was "happening" but I died laughing at the story.
When I recieved the news that Blue is single for the first time since October....don't ask how I know....I was driving. Then the rest is blank. I was in shock, and in tears, and dancing of course. So not exactly blank.
BUT!
I'm not going to do anything. Yet.
Only because I don't really know what to do persay...Help. Now it's dealing with all the stupid emo statuses he's posting about how sad and blah he is. HOW YOU LIKE THEM APPLES BUDDY!
As you can see I'm enjoying this. I don't feel like God is telling me to go back to him right away. Which I'm fine with because I have no idea what in bloody hell I'm doing. Excuse my french but this is ridiculous. It's like you speak Blue's name and I freeze and sparks start flying out of my head like a robot, and my brain malfunctions. How did this happen to me? Sheesh I thought I was the normal one but I'm as crazy as a hobo talking to his shoe.
But I can say that instead of feeling like deep dookie, I feel like singing.
I have new music on my iPod, two of those artists being Cody Simpson and Adele.
I would have LOVED Adele's "21" around graduation time when I was crying in the bathtub.
I felt like this:
"When will I see you again?
You left with no goodbye, not a single word was said,
No final kiss to seal any seams,
I had no idea of the state we were in..."
Boohoo.
I fee like this:
Stupid dog face but I giggled.
Cody Simpson knows exactly how to make me feel better. He can sing, dance, or just stand there and I would pee my pants.
I'm so weird but it's what girls like me do. I bought his EP on iTunes for $4.96 and then went to Target and bought the same album only because it has two bonus tracks on it. It was only a dollar more and I am so so so so so happy I purchased it.
There's this song called "Crash" and it's adorbs. Like it's so cute I can't even function. (I've been watching too much Kardashian's.) Basically it's about him being totally in "like" with this girl and is completely taken over by her because everything about her is "out of this world." Only he doess't know if she even knows he exists. Now if I were 14 like this kid I would be on a one way trip to Australia to find him and live happily ever after, but I'm stuck her 18 and waiting on this kid who works at a mexican place, who doesn't know I exist. Oh Cody how I feel your pain.
In the song he continues to say how amazing it would be if the girl was on the same page. If she "crashed" into him he would be sent to the moon. Holla.back.at.that.
So here is how I feel now:
"Late at night
When it's dark
And the world's asleep
From the bottom
Of my heart
You're the one and only
Face in my mind that i see
Think im fallin'
Fallin' hard
Had me right from the start
And your smile
Takes me up
I've been walking
On the moon
Like an astronaut, yeah
If you sent me flyin'
Up in the sky
Imagine what happens
When two stars collide
So out of this world
So out of this earth
But tell me first
Wonder if
Does she even notice me?
Sometimes I dream
How I think It'll be
She'd just crash into,
crash into me, Crash into
Crash into me
Crash into,
Crash into me... (Oh girl)"
Only want Blue to feel this way. It's his turn.
I'm sitting here listening to "Crash" over and over because it makes me happy, and the reason I'm not pouncing like a lion on this situation is because it's not time. I'll know, but right now it's best to keep things put. More time to breathe, and get my act together.
So no more of this:
"Gave you the space so you could breathe,
I kept my distance so you would be free,
And hope that you find the missing piece,
To bring you back to me,
Why don't you remember?
Don't you remember?
The reason you loved me before,
Baby, please remember me once more,
When will I see you again?"
Adele can sing her heart out all she wants but I want this:
"Crash, crash baby
Crash into me
No if's or maybe's
Ain't nothing to it
Just crash crash baby
Take a chance with me
Let's get crazy
Crash, crash
Just crash into me
Girl, as hard as you can
Just like in neverland
Girl send me flyin'
No I ain't comin' back again
I can't imagine this
Can you imagine this?
Come on just crash into me
Wonder if
Does she even notice me?
Sometimes I dream
How I think It'll be
She'd just crash into,
crash into me, Crash into
Crash into me
Crash into,
Crash into me... (Oh girl)"
Watch us reunite over a finder binder. Haha get it? Crash?
Anyhooooooo I'm ready when he is, because when that time comes it will be right. Honestly, I can't imagine what it will be like. I'm sure I'll fly into space like Cody because everything about this kid sends me to another world. Gag. :)
Listent to Cody:)
http://youtu.be/zcNlBz_Ld6I
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