This post was meant for someone, but with the events that have recently occured, I guess it's meant for others too. My father just lost a best friend today, and all we can do is pray and show him love and support, and if it's not too much trouble I ask you pray too? You were a wonderful pastor and one of my influences in music, and we will miss, and love you more than you'll know.
"But if we hope for what we do not yet have, we wait for it patiently." (Romans 8:25)
You're lying if you tell anyone you have never experienced a heartbreak, a loss, or a time of tragedy. You're also lying if you've never used the phrase "you don't understand." Although everyones life is different, everyone faces the same stuff. The only difference is how we deal with them. I'm not writing this to sound lame, because I've already mastered that, but there's no way around my cheesy words.
Not too long ago I was hit in the face with some information that still has me flipping out. That should surprise no one. Basically all I want to do is apologize.
I had no idea you were experiencing so much pain, so much heartache, so much disappointment. I guess when you're experiencing enough of your own daily disappointment you forget that there's someone else going through life too. It's also hard to understand that someone else has it much, much worse. I had no idea you knew what it was like to feel sad, heartbroken, angry, scared, and unwanted. Part of me feels so unbelievably selfish for not even caring what was happening, but the other part is still in shock. You seemed so confident, so independent and social, and nice does not even begin to describe you. I am so sorry you have experienced such tragedy and disappointment. I don't blame you for wanting to run away, or yell and scream, and I am the last person to judge anyone for crying. Trust me it helps. It honestly almost brought me to tears when I heard you were dealing with all this. Oh and you can't judge me for crying either. Now I know why you were oblivious, because you were dealing with your own frustrations and spiritual battles. I set you free because I was tired of dealing with you, and a bitter feeling took over with just one thought of you. None of that was your fault, and I'm sorry for saying it was. I'm sorry for everything. I wish I could say it gets easier, but I'd be lying. I wish I could tell you it's going to be okay, but I honestly don't know. I'm sorry for that.
All I can tell you is not to worry, because it's a waste if your time. You get nothing out of it. But I don't blame you for wanting to start over, or wanting help or not wanting help. I don't blame you for being lost, or feeling like no one understands. I don't blame you for anything. So from this day forward, I would like to tell you congratulations. Welcome to the club. No, I'm not happy this is happening to you, and I'm not finding joy out of your misery, but strangely I am thanking God I now have an answer, and you do too. If there's anyone's word you can trust, trust this, it's all worth it. All of the tears, all of the anger, all of the pain you feel, it's all worth it, because it will bring you to that place of safety. That place you have been searching for is so close. You are not alone no matter how empty or numb you feel. You may have more doubts than ever at this time but you don't need them. But why should you believe me? Our journeys are different, but we feel the same thing. Helpless. Careless. Frustrated. Confused. Jealous. Nervous. Over it. Been there, maybe for different reasons, but I've been there. I am so sorry. I would not wish this on anyone. In fact this is something I hope no one has to endure. These feelings that you try to run away from by distracting yourself, but nothing you do really works, this is something I hope no one will ever know. But I think that's impossible. Everyone knows. But we can't let it win. I can't tell you why bad things happen, but I do know that you don't have to face it alone. Patients. The worst thing you can hear when dealing with poop. (Literally haha.) But I can tell you from experience, as alone and forgotten as I felt, I wasn't. God proved to me in one hour that my four years of prayers were heard. You will find your way, if you're searching, and you are. But now it's your decision to make a change, and not let all these things defeat you. It's not worth it.
Like I said, you can cry. I highly recommend it. Am I safe to say you feel like this?
"Im talking in circles
I'm lying they know it
Why won't this just all go away?
Is it over yet?
Can I open my eyes?
Is this as hard as it gets?
Is this what it feels like to really cry?"
I'm sorry. But things are happening. Sometimes more bad than good, but those few good things will always outweigh the bad. Always. I am so sorry. But you can do this. Go ahead and cry, I'll be praying for you. I'll be seeing you soon. I promise. <3
By Your Side by Tenth Avenue North
http://youtu.be/CdjRmM0Q0qs
Cry by Kelly Clarkson
http://youtu.be/QB1aQlAa5Jk
Breaktown by Hanson
http://youtu.be/fBnE3WvenAs
