Is this real life?

I have a creeper curse.


I must wear a sign on my forehead that says "I love weird awkward people."


But I could do a happy dance because someone has a crush on me and it's so cute. Plus you know he's pretty darn attractive too, which makes it a billion times better.


He's not a creeper, he's adorable. Would you like to know his name?


I don't think so. :)


I'm not getting my hopes up though, because I'm still reminding myself that it's too good to be true. And I'm sure that sounds sad but it's SO true. If you don't believe me just think blue. So this is how we're going to play this;


                                 Anonymous writer girl's rule for life: 
                                              Play it safe and nothing gets broken.


I'm afraid of a guy liking me. Idk what to do about it. What I use to do was completely cut them out of my life and pretend that they never exsisted. But that could have been because they were that weird awkward kid that I had no feelings for. I don't mean to sound mean, and I know you should give people chances, but......... I guess I'm just a mean person.


"It's hard to face the things we're afraid of, sometimes we just need a little help."(One Tree Hill?)


Music helps.


So I like this band and they recently made a come back, even though I've been following them since practically 1997. Hanson has a song called "Out of My Head" that was released on the Strong Enough to Break DVD and album. It's basically saying, "Call me crazy but I think you like me!"


"When I saw your face
Suddenly I'm losing faith, yeah
The words are few to place
Give up, give out, giving no big disgrace


Let's stop wasting time
Let's stop wasting time
Say your mine
But can you tell me I'm out of my head
Quit playing with my mind
Don't tell me I'm out of my head
Let's stop wasting time
I feel like I'm losing my head
Won't you tell my I'm out of my head..."


I must sounds really pathetic. But I'm in a vulnerable state right now. I gave up on Blue for the summer. 


Guess what?


Summer's over.


I don't want to go back to that person who was sad and angry all the time. I had a problem last night and cried a little because of something stupid that reminded me of why I can't be with Blue. 


I can't really handle things being taken away from me at the moment. Therefore you see why I'm not all happy and over the top excited about having someone liking me for once. I don't know for sure that anything is going to happen with this new kid, so I don't want to chance it. I'm just going to go with the flow and see what happens. 


He held my hand the other night and that felt nice. I'm so dumb. 


I don't like to talk about boys! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!


Now I feel like I have no filter and words are just flying out. Fml. I need help. 


Yes, I am happy about this person and the way things are going. How are things going? We'll talk, hang out, and it's fun, not awkward, not anything but a bunch of friends hanging out with each other. If we don't talk for a while I'm not freaking out about it, but I do smile when my phone lights up when he texts me. If things don't work out, oh well, I really just want him to be my friend. I don't need another MIA Blue. I wouldn't be able to handle that. 


So am I crazy?  Of course but I've accepted it. 


But am I crazy for not being too excited about having a crush? I'm still deciding. 


Is it sad that I think it's too good to be true, and it's impossible for any guy to like me? Probably, but better safe than sorry. Right? 


Yeah I still want Blue to come to his senses, but I'm not sitting here waiting for that. No sir!


Oh lord, guess what song just popped in my head? Thank you Disney!


"I dream is a wish your heart makes
when you're fast asleep
In dreams you will lost your heartache 
Whatever you wish for you keep..."


Am I dreaming? Maybe that's a good thing. Maybe I need to dream a happy ending and just pretend for a while. Or is that bad? Why so many questions? I told you I'm not good at this. No filter. 


I need a happy ending. Maybe I need to let this other guy in a little more. I can tell he's trying and I'm just standing there smiling. I'm scared. Bite me. 


I think being scared is a good thing, that way I'll always play  it safe. But when the time comes to be brave I'll grab my sword and be the fighter I am. (And kick butt.) So until then I'll let Hanson take over.:)


"Let me in your heart
Give up, give out, give in is where it starts
Dreaming's not so hard
Once you've found your shooting star...."


I hate boys and I want a cookie.